Internal Work
What we call a problem in a relationship means that our partner did something or said something which has caused a negative emotion in us. Something happened within a relationship that gives us a bad feeling creating discomfort. If this happens often it can lead to the idea that the relationship doesn’t work and that there is no love any more. Finally you may even start thinking about divorce and trying to find a better partner.
What we usually do is to blame our partner for it. We say more or less directly “I am feeling bad and this is your fault”. We may start a discussion and declare why and what our partner should
change. This can easily result in a dispute and make things worse. I would like to show a more advanced method to deal with such a situation. But it is neccessary to look from totally different perspective.
Problems with your partner have nothing to do with your partner, only with you. They happen and appear inside of you.
Instead of trying to change the situation on the outside like starting a discussion, making couples therapy or even initiate a divorce you only work inside. You can dissolve the whole situation without any external action at all! As an example we assume that you feel emotionally hurt by your partner.
These are the steps:
- Find a quiet and comfortable place where you can be alone for an hour or so and make sure that you will not be disturbed.
- Close your eyes and feel yourself.
- Then very carefully direct your attention to your partner and the feelings that come along with it.
- Don’t do anything with these feelings, just sit and watch and feel them.
- You will feel hurt, you may be angry on your partner, etc.
- Now just focus on the feeling of being hurt, don’t think of your partner any more, just stay with this feeling.
- It happens inside of you, your partner is away. Right now he/she has nothing to do with it. All happens within yourself.
- Welcome this feeling more and more but don’t try to change or overcome it.
- Instead give it more space, allow it to be, accept and value it.
- Yes, value it, like a diamond. Because this feeling of being hurt is your own energy, it is you. Carry your hurt in your heart, like a baby.
- Rest in this acceptance.
Soon the feeling will change. It must change! If you really work like this, the feeling of being hurt will change. Continue feeling it, watching it. Be open, what ever happens inside and welcome it, don’t fight against it. The magic key is to really feel what is there no matter how terrible it is at the beginning.
After a while ALL negativity will be dissolved. You look at the situation, at your partner and relationship but the bad feeling is gone! What follows is a great happiness and freedom. But what is even more mysterious is that you did not only dissolve your part but in your partner the same has happened! Also he/she is freed from his/her part of the situation. We live in the same space. To work like this is immensely powerful.
It can be done with every feeling and every situation that you suffer from with your partner. Also if you wish something, it doesn’t matter what it is. Just work on the inside, feel your desire, no need to tell anybody about it. Just do your work, as if the partner has nothing to do with it. It is a magic act. It is much more powerful than any discussion.